So I tuned into WWE Monday Night Raw earlier this week expecting just another night of good ol’ fashion wrasslin’ (er – sports entertainment) just like I always get. I was expecting a little fun, a little John Cena being his usual boring self and refusing to freestyle, and even a little extra drama since one of their wrestlers (er – Superstars), CM Punk has really been keeping things interesting by mixing a little reality into his already-engaging promos.
What I wasn’t expecting was a good ol’ case of '80s nostalgia the likes of which Cobra Commander and Megatron combined (let’s call him Cobra CoMegatron) has never seen!!
CM Punk, threatening to walk out on the company if his new contract did not have the necessary provisions, went and listed among his many demands to Vince McMahon that Vince bring back the classic WWF Ice Cream Bars from the legendary Rock N’ Wrestling days!!—and, yes, I’m calling them “WWF” since, dammit... that’s what they are!!
Anyway, if ever there was a food truly fit for a fanboy, this was without a shadow of a doubt that food. For those living under a rock or just not alive yet in those days, this thing was pure orgasmic fanJOY. Vanilla ice cream as a soft creamy center. Rich dark chocolate in the back. And last, but certainly not least, a totally awesome, totally sweet (both literally and figuratively) crunchy/chewy cookie featuring an imprint of one of the WWF Superstars, during the time of its production, on top.
This ice cream bar was unreal. Every time I heard the Good Humor man driving by, I’d practically jump out of my undies, while simultaneously crapping my pants, worried I wouldn’t be able to chase down the truck in time to score myself one of these things. To this day, I’m not quite certain what kind of chemicals were used to make them as delicious and addictive as they were, nor am I aware of any long term repercussions ingesting them on a daily basis every summer may have had. All I know is that they tasted great. And that they got more cheers than Cena this past Monday. CM Punk may very well be competing in his final WWE match at this Sunday’s Money in the Bank Pay-Per-View, but the impression he made and the cheers he got out of referencing the coolest ice cream bar to ever be created will not be forgotten by this fanboy anytime soon. Bank on it.
WWF Ice Cream Bars!