So there I was in my local comic shop this afternoon when I heard some guy go “Ahm knee bus? What’s an Ahm knee bus??” And I just about shat my pants in disgust. And, no, it wasn’t because of the milkshake-cheeseburger combo I had just scarfed down at Wendy’s an hour earlier. You see, it instantly occurred to me that this guy’s silly question meant one of two things.
a) that fool was just straight up ignant, yo.
b) there are some people out there who actually don’t know what an Omnibus is!
Now, personally, I’m thinking that choice ‘a’ was the more probable answer, but dammit…I just couldn’t sleep at night if I risked it and *didn’t* tell all my fellow peeps what this whole Omnibus craze is really all about lately.
So here’s the deal, people. Us fanboys – us TRUE fanboys – we like to own collected editions of our favorite comic book storylines (and, if you’re anything like me, the not-so-favorite ones as well). And this need is satisfied through massive encyclopedia-sized reprints published for the purposes of milking the loyal customer out of his very last penny – er, I mean…for the purposes of giving fans a fresh new look at a now-classic storyline in the mythos of one or more of our favorite heroes.
And that’s basically what Omnibuses are. On the one hand, they’re just another dent in the already far-too-depleted bank account of the fanboy. On the other hand, they’re totally AWESOME, man! These things are just HUGE. If you happen to live on the wrong side of the tracks and you can manage to fit one of these bad boys inside your jacket, you’ll never have to worry about random gunfire or stray bullets again. The sheer thickness of these things alone offers more protection than S.W.A.T. riot gear! Not bad for something that only sets you back about $100. And that’s nothing to say of the ‘bonus creator commentary,’ alternate covers gallery, and who knows what else in each printed masterpiece.
Now, before you go and have a hissy fit after finding Omnibuses in stores for a c-note, remember your fanboy training, young one! If you’ve got the sight, and you’re like me, your nerd-sense will automatically start tingling whenever you’re in the vicinity of a good deal online. And, really, even if you can’t find yourself a decent discount, keep in mind that these things clock in at around 1000 pages. Now I don’t know about you, but where I come from, that kind of page count is more orgasm-inducing than a drunken Jessica Alba, completely void of discriminating preferences after having downed three bottles of Grey Goose.
I mean, come one, with over thirty issues stuffed between the covers (you know, the way I’d stuff Jessica between the covers after all that Vodka), how can you possibly go wrong? Only one way: by walking into any respectable comic shop and asking “Gee whiz, what’s an Ahm knee bus??”
Now one thing I should warn you about is that if you try to lift too many of these at once, or you have to awkwardly put one in the farthest corners of your bedroom without disturbing any of the other stuff you’ve got lying around, you may injure your groin a bit. It’s nothing to lose sleep over; just be careful is all. Really careful. Or you’ll pull your balls. Just trust me on that, and please don’t ask me any further questions on the matter. Oh, and buy yourself an Omnibus featuring one of your favorite comic book heroes RIGHT NOW! You’ll thank me later. Even if you do end up pulling your balls.
James Jacobs is the co-author of True Confessions of a Fanboy. If the above report made you think any less of him, you ain’t even seen half the truth. Check out www.truefanboy.com right now for a free excerpt of what I’m talking about.